Dede. 23. Australian.
Feminism. Harry Potter. Art. Funny shit. Creepy things. Pretty stuff. I like music and sometimes I make mixes. Blah.

sixpenceee:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roanoke_Colony
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Murray_Spear
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arecibo_reply
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanganyika_Laughter_Epidemic
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mad_Gasser_of_Mattoon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concrete-Encased_High_School_Girl_Murder_Case
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peoples_Temple
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UKUSA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MRSA
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sailing_stones
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalidomide
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unit_731
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunny_Man
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubbly_Creek
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Original_Spanish_Kitchen
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Bonnet_syndrome
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voynich_manuscript
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Markovian_parallax_denigrate
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toynbee_tiles
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_hand_syndrome
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phaistos_Disc
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pykrete
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capgras_delusion
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polywater
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whole-body_transplant
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head_transplant
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_J._White
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vladimir_Demikhov
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guided_rat
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamster_zona-free_ovum_test
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_immortality
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chandre_Oram
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lina_Medina
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mellified_Man
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/STS-75
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atuk
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kennedy_Curse
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cure_for_Insomnia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pripyat%2C_Ukraine
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Rail_flying_saucer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Tofts
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trepanation
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grey_Goo
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Grinning_Man
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crawfordsville_monster
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dulce_Base
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junko_Furuta
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hermitage_%28Ontario%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donner_Party
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Fish
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starchild_skull
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jersey_Devil
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Parsons
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faces_of_belmez
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Parker_Ray
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_information_awareness
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_panic
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_Reich
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mahavishnu_Orchestra
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil%27s_Footprints
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Thunderstorm%2C_Widecombe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bloop
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Out_of_place_artifacts
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadowpeople
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ararat_anomaly
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/String_theory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunguska_event
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_big_cats
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatman_%28cryptozoology%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greys
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackalope
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate_Project
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spring_Heeled_Jack
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Owlman
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anomalous_phenomenon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bermuda_triangle
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overtoun_Bridge
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mad_Gasser_of_Mattoon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chupa_%28anomaly%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silverpilen
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_Dutchman%27s_Gold_Mine
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aokigahara
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Lick_Monster
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_people
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steam_tunnel_incident
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montauk_Project
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moll_Dyer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belchen_Tunnel
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boy_Scout_Lane
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Devil%27s_Footprints
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chase_Vault
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyatlov_pass_accident
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunguska_event
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borley_Rectory
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clapham_Wood_Mystery
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_shift
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moberly-Jourdain_incident
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Gein
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_%28unsolved_Thames_murder_case%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_put_Bella_in_the_Wych_Elm%3F
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_Torso_Murderer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster_of_Glamis
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ediacaran_biota
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._H._Holmes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loveland_Frog
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariana_UFO_Incident
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amelia_Earhart
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentich_Disappearance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Original_Night_Stalker
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Dahlia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joachim_Kroll
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_K%C3%BCrten
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilles_de_Rais
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Vacher
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melonheads
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D._B._Cooper
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Fish
The horror doesn’t stop here though. I have lots more masterposts:
masterpost of horror games
masterpost of creepy online games
masterpost of creepy websites
masterpost of gothic/horror novels (yes I link you to a PDF version of the entire book!)
masterpost to make you feel better (when all the horror is too much)
The following aren’t masterposts, but they have an abundance of information
Ways to contact the dead
Creepy meaning behind nursery rhymes
Creepiest glitch experiences
Creepy facts compilation
Compilation of horror pranks
Paranormal Science Resources
Map of monsters/ghosts/cryptids in the USA
Alien Abduction experiences

sixpenceee:

  1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roanoke_Colony
  2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Murray_Spear
  3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arecibo_reply
  4. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanganyika_Laughter_Epidemic
  5. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mad_Gasser_of_Mattoon
  6. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concrete-Encased_High_School_Girl_Murder_Case
  7. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peoples_Temple
  8. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UKUSA
  9. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MRSA
  10. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sailing_stones
  11. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalidomide
  12. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unit_731
  13. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunny_Man
  14. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sedlec_Ossuary
  15. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubbly_Creek
  16. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Original_Spanish_Kitchen
  17. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Bonnet_syndrome
  18. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voynich_manuscript
  19. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Markovian_parallax_denigrate
  20. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toynbee_tiles
  21. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alien_hand_syndrome
  22. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phaistos_Disc
  23. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pykrete
  24. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capgras_delusion
  25. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polywater
  26. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whole-body_transplant
  27. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head_transplant
  28. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_J._White
  29. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vladimir_Demikhov
  30. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guided_rat
  31. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome
  32. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamster_zona-free_ovum_test
  33. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_immortality
  34. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chandre_Oram
  35. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lina_Medina
  36. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mellified_Man
  37. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/STS-75
  38. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atuk
  39. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kennedy_Curse
  40. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cure_for_Insomnia
  41. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pripyat%2C_Ukraine
  42. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Rail_flying_saucer
  43. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Tofts
  44. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trepanation
  45. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grey_Goo
  46. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Grinning_Man
  47. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crawfordsville_monster
  48. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dulce_Base
  49. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junko_Furuta
  50. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hermitage_%28Ontario%29
  51. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donner_Party
  52. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Fish
  53. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starchild_skull
  54. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jersey_Devil
  55. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Parsons
  56. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faces_of_belmez
  57. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Parker_Ray
  58. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_information_awareness
  59. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_panic
  60. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_Reich
  61. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mahavishnu_Orchestra
  62. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil%27s_Footprints
  63. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Thunderstorm%2C_Widecombe
  64. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bloop
  65. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Out_of_place_artifacts
  66. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothman
  67. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadowpeople
  68. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ararat_anomaly
  69. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/String_theory
  70. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunguska_event
  71. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_big_cats
  72. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goatman_%28cryptozoology%29
  73. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greys
  74. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackalope
  75. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stargate_Project
  76. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spring_Heeled_Jack
  77. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Owlman
  78. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anomalous_phenomenon
  79. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bermuda_triangle
  80. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overtoun_Bridge
  81. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mad_Gasser_of_Mattoon
  82. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chupa_%28anomaly%29
  83. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silverpilen
  84. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lost_Dutchman%27s_Gold_Mine
  85. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aokigahara
  86. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Lick_Monster
  87. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadow_people
  88. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steam_tunnel_incident
  89. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montauk_Project
  90. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moll_Dyer
  91. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belchen_Tunnel
  92. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boy_Scout_Lane
  93. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Devil%27s_Footprints
  94. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chase_Vault
  95. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyatlov_pass_accident
  96. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunguska_event
  97. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borley_Rectory
  98. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clapham_Wood_Mystery
  99. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality_shift
  100. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moberly-Jourdain_incident
  101. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ed_Gein
  102. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_%28unsolved_Thames_murder_case%29
  103. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_put_Bella_in_the_Wych_Elm%3F
  104. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland_Torso_Murderer
  105. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster_of_Glamis
  106. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ediacaran_biota
  107. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._H._Holmes
  108. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loveland_Frog
  109. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariana_UFO_Incident
  110. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amelia_Earhart
  111. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentich_Disappearance
  112. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Original_Night_Stalker
  113. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Dahlia
  114. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joachim_Kroll
  115. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_K%C3%BCrten
  116. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilles_de_Rais
  117. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Vacher
  118. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melonheads
  119. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D._B._Cooper
  120. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Fish

The horror doesn’t stop here though. I have lots more masterposts:

masterpost of horror games

masterpost of creepy online games

masterpost of creepy websites

masterpost of gothic/horror novels (yes I link you to a PDF version of the entire book!)

masterpost to make you feel better (when all the horror is too much)

The following aren’t masterposts, but they have an abundance of information

Ways to contact the dead

Creepy meaning behind nursery rhymes

Creepiest glitch experiences

Creepy facts compilation

Compilation of horror pranks

Paranormal Science Resources

Map of monsters/ghosts/cryptids in the USA

Alien Abduction experiences

(via sixpenceee)

positivelyindecent:

dualscar:

captainexposition:

shermansgallifreyan:

oxboxer:

feferipixies:

the-fandoms-are-cool:

everythingis19:

cosmicsyzygy:

Look, I made a gif of this most awesome wizard at the Leaky Cauldron!

DUDE IS READING ‘A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME’ BY STEPHEN HAWKING
I NEVER REALIZED

are you serious
I always assumed wizards just ignored science, because the fact that “magic” exists, can explain anything. But there are MuggleBorn wizards, ones who, until they were eleven, lived in the real world and learned science and things. Did they all just abandon that normal, muggle knowledge, like Harry did? It’s always been there, itching in the back of my mind.
FOUR FOR YOU SCIENCE WIZARD
YOU GO SCIENCE WIZARD

can we point out that he’s doing wandless magic too
like voldemort couldnt even do that
molly weasley couldnt do that
who are you

Quick, somebody write a book series about the adventures of Magic Prodigy Science Wizard!!!
PLEASE SOMEONE JUST DO IT

Alan Baker had no use for wands, of course. If one were to Prior Incantato his outdated, duct-taped rod of walnut wood and dragon heartstring, its most recent use would have been the enchantment of the long-lived neurons in Alan’s own mind. This enchantment, possible only for those who were capable of seeing themselves as a complex amalgamation of neural impulses, allowed him to bypass both wands and words. Alan did this, not for show, not for power, but because wandwork distracted him from his reading.
Unfortunately, there was no legal spell to get rid of barflies.
“Hey- hey mate, you gotta- gotta minute to-“
Sobrius, Alan thought, placing one hand on his neighbor’s forehead without looking up. He pondered whether or not to cast a silencing barrier, even in violation of the Leaky Cauldron’s safety code.
“Thanks,” said the now-sober man, “Readin’ more of that Muggle trash, I see.”
Alan closed his eyes and counted to three, but when he opened them, the man was still there. Alan lowered his “muggle trash” in defeat, meeting the baggy, bloodshot eyes of the wizard sitting across from him.
Alan leaned forward, placing his hands steeple-like on the table. “Mr. Fletcher, do you know why time turners don’t send you into space?”
“The sky, y’mean? Cause they’re fer time turnin’, not apparation.”
Alan had to take a deep breath. “No,” he replied, “If time turners weren’t anchored to anything, the Earth’s rotation alone would be enough to ensure a time traveler’s demise. But someone at the ministry was clever enough to anchor them to a carefully guarded object that never moves relative to the Earth.”
“Fascinat’n,” slurred Mundungus, whose eyes had glazed over once it became clear that Alan didn’t actually have a time turner on him.
“But time turners are still very limited,” continued Alan, more to himself than to Mundungus, “They can’t go more than seven hours back, and not forward at all, and only in increments of one hour, and they only work on Earth… no, they’re very clumsy, if one truly pauses to think about it.”
“What’s yer point?”
“My point is that while wizards are slowly stagnating in their backwards remnant of the Dark Ages, Muggles are making progress, ever reaching for the light. Do you know that they don’t need magic to craft a hand of living silver?”
“Bah,” was Mundungus’s only reply, “You’d be best mates with that Weasley nutcase at the ministry, you would.”
Alan stood up, silently casting an infantes gelata to check for paradoxes. “I don’t know why I bother with you,” he sighed, “you’ve just wasted another two minutes of my time. Perhaps I bother because I have time to waste.”
And he twisted, as if to apparate, but instead faded out of existence with a distinct vworp. The air swirled in the wake of his departure, blowing back Mundungus’s straggly ginger hair.
“Muggleborns,” the short wizard muttered, then turned back to his drink.
••••••••
Thirty minutes earlier, Alan lounged contentedly within his quieting barrier, stirring his cup of tea absently and rereading one of his favourite Muggle books. He wondered, vaguely, which planet held the nearest sapient life, and what their magic would look like…

This rereading, however, would be slightly shorter than the last. Even within the barrier, the presence of another at the table tickled at Alan’s consciousness. He set down his book (rather forcefully, he had to admit,) and looked up. The bloodshot eyes of Mundungus Fletcher didn’t meet him when his own rose.
“Hello,” mouthed the man. Finite Incantatum, thought Alan.
“Hello,” he answered, “Can I help you?”
“No, not really. Well, maybe. Well, probably. Have you seen anything strange lately? Disappearing cats, people moving backwards, variances in the time vortex causing precise and intentional reversal of the course of events?”
Alan couldn’t help but stare. “Er…now that you mention it, I was just…” he trailed off as he glanced out the window and did a double take. There was a 1960s-style Muggle police telephone box in the middle of Diagon Alley. “…Is…is that a telephone box?”
“No. Yes. Recreation. Mock-up. Don’t worry, nobody will notice,” the man said, waving his hand dismissively even as he pulled on a pair of what appeared to be cheap 3-D glasses. “What I want to know,” he murmured conspiratorially, “is what’s giving you that floaty, aurary, bizarrey stuff all over you, because that should not be happening to a human. Person. I said person”
Alan’s eyebrows furrowed. “First of all, this is Diagon Alley. Most people out there wouldn’t know a police box from a pillbox, especially given it’s bright blue. Second of all, those glasses shouldn’t give you the ability to see what you’re seeing. And thirdly, Expelliarmus.”
“Expelliwhat?” the man squawked, just as a long, chunky metallic object with a blue tip shot out of his jacket pocket and into Alan’s hand. A quick Identification spell told him all he needed to know.
“Fuzzy logic neural interface configured for ease of use, limited nonverbal manipulation of mechanical and electronic objects…Interesting. And leaps and bounds beyond anything wizards or Muggles can conjure up. What are you?”
The man stared at him for a few minutes before breaking out in a wide smile. “Hello. I’m the Doctor. Let me tell you a little bit about the universe…”

IT GOT BETTER


This is awesome.

positivelyindecent:

dualscar:

captainexposition:

shermansgallifreyan:

oxboxer:

feferipixies:

the-fandoms-are-cool:

everythingis19:

cosmicsyzygy:

Look, I made a gif of this most awesome wizard at the Leaky Cauldron!

DUDE IS READING ‘A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME’ BY STEPHEN HAWKING

I NEVER REALIZED

are you serious

I always assumed wizards just ignored science, because the fact that “magic” exists, can explain anything. But there are MuggleBorn wizards, ones who, until they were eleven, lived in the real world and learned science and things. Did they all just abandon that normal, muggle knowledge, like Harry did? It’s always been there, itching in the back of my mind.

FOUR FOR YOU SCIENCE WIZARD

YOU GO SCIENCE WIZARD

can we point out that he’s doing wandless magic too

like voldemort couldnt even do that

molly weasley couldnt do that

who are you

Quick, somebody write a book series about the adventures of Magic Prodigy Science Wizard!!!

PLEASE SOMEONE JUST DO IT

Alan Baker had no use for wands, of course. If one were to Prior Incantato his outdated, duct-taped rod of walnut wood and dragon heartstring, its most recent use would have been the enchantment of the long-lived neurons in Alan’s own mind. This enchantment, possible only for those who were capable of seeing themselves as a complex amalgamation of neural impulses, allowed him to bypass both wands and words. Alan did this, not for show, not for power, but because wandwork distracted him from his reading.

Unfortunately, there was no legal spell to get rid of barflies.

“Hey- hey mate, you gotta- gotta minute to-“

Sobrius, Alan thought, placing one hand on his neighbor’s forehead without looking up. He pondered whether or not to cast a silencing barrier, even in violation of the Leaky Cauldron’s safety code.

“Thanks,” said the now-sober man, “Readin’ more of that Muggle trash, I see.”

Alan closed his eyes and counted to three, but when he opened them, the man was still there. Alan lowered his “muggle trash” in defeat, meeting the baggy, bloodshot eyes of the wizard sitting across from him.

Alan leaned forward, placing his hands steeple-like on the table. “Mr. Fletcher, do you know why time turners don’t send you into space?”

“The sky, y’mean? Cause they’re fer time turnin’, not apparation.”

Alan had to take a deep breath. “No,” he replied, “If time turners weren’t anchored to anything, the Earth’s rotation alone would be enough to ensure a time traveler’s demise. But someone at the ministry was clever enough to anchor them to a carefully guarded object that never moves relative to the Earth.”

“Fascinat’n,” slurred Mundungus, whose eyes had glazed over once it became clear that Alan didn’t actually have a time turner on him.

“But time turners are still very limited,” continued Alan, more to himself than to Mundungus, “They can’t go more than seven hours back, and not forward at all, and only in increments of one hour, and they only work on Earth… no, they’re very clumsy, if one truly pauses to think about it.”

“What’s yer point?”

“My point is that while wizards are slowly stagnating in their backwards remnant of the Dark Ages, Muggles are making progress, ever reaching for the light. Do you know that they don’t need magic to craft a hand of living silver?”

“Bah,” was Mundungus’s only reply, “You’d be best mates with that Weasley nutcase at the ministry, you would.”

Alan stood up, silently casting an infantes gelata to check for paradoxes. “I don’t know why I bother with you,” he sighed, “you’ve just wasted another two minutes of my time. Perhaps I bother because I have time to waste.”

And he twisted, as if to apparate, but instead faded out of existence with a distinct vworp. The air swirled in the wake of his departure, blowing back Mundungus’s straggly ginger hair.

“Muggleborns,” the short wizard muttered, then turned back to his drink.

••••••••

Thirty minutes earlier, Alan lounged contentedly within his quieting barrier, stirring his cup of tea absently and rereading one of his favourite Muggle books. He wondered, vaguely, which planet held the nearest sapient life, and what their magic would look like…

This rereading, however, would be slightly shorter than the last. Even within the barrier, the presence of another at the table tickled at Alan’s consciousness. He set down his book (rather forcefully, he had to admit,) and looked up. The bloodshot eyes of Mundungus Fletcher didn’t meet him when his own rose.

“Hello,” mouthed the man. Finite Incantatum, thought Alan.

“Hello,” he answered, “Can I help you?”

“No, not really. Well, maybe. Well, probably. Have you seen anything strange lately? Disappearing cats, people moving backwards, variances in the time vortex causing precise and intentional reversal of the course of events?”

Alan couldn’t help but stare. “Er…now that you mention it, I was just…” he trailed off as he glanced out the window and did a double take. There was a 1960s-style Muggle police telephone box in the middle of Diagon Alley. “…Is…is that a telephone box?”

“No. Yes. Recreation. Mock-up. Don’t worry, nobody will notice,” the man said, waving his hand dismissively even as he pulled on a pair of what appeared to be cheap 3-D glasses. “What I want to know,” he murmured conspiratorially, “is what’s giving you that floaty, aurary, bizarrey stuff all over you, because that should not be happening to a human. Person. I said person”

Alan’s eyebrows furrowed. “First of all, this is Diagon Alley. Most people out there wouldn’t know a police box from a pillbox, especially given it’s bright blue. Second of all, those glasses shouldn’t give you the ability to see what you’re seeing. And thirdly, Expelliarmus.

“Expelliwhat?” the man squawked, just as a long, chunky metallic object with a blue tip shot out of his jacket pocket and into Alan’s hand. A quick Identification spell told him all he needed to know.

“Fuzzy logic neural interface configured for ease of use, limited nonverbal manipulation of mechanical and electronic objects…Interesting. And leaps and bounds beyond anything wizards or Muggles can conjure up. What are you?”

The man stared at him for a few minutes before breaking out in a wide smile. “Hello. I’m the Doctor. Let me tell you a little bit about the universe…”

IT GOT BETTER

This is awesome.

earthnation:

*steps in something wet* *screams for 34 years*

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

unclefather:

brokendildo:

what if u were laying in bed and then stretched ur hand up and something hi5’d u

i’d move to a different continent because i don’t fuckin play like that

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)

I think I broke Harry Potter

karlosmadera:

So it’s 3AM and It’s just occurred to me that the most telling scene in the entire Harry Potter franchise is the scene following the announcement of the participants of the Triwizard tournament.

When Harry’s name is pulled out of the cup, literally one of the first things he is asked is “did you ask an older boy to put your name in the cup for you?" or something to that effect, insinuating that, that was something nobody prepared for and that it was something that totally would have worked if anyone had been smart enough to figure it out.

However, in an earlier scene a student is turned into a hundred year old man when they try to artificially age themselves with a potion and put their name into the cup. Meaning someone trying to dangerously age themselves with potion they aren’t familiar with was something the teachers genuinely considered to be more likely than someone asking for fucking help from another student.

image

In other words, the wizards in Harry Potter’s world are so reliant on magic that it doesn’t occur to anyone save for people like Harry that asking for help is even an option in a given situation. This explains why wizards are so fucking ass-backwards at everything, they’re so confident that their magic is capable of doing everything for them that it has never occurred to fucking anyone that perhaps asking for help from the muggle world might be of some use.

Think about it, the wizarding world hasn’t changed in hundreds of years while in that same space of time the muggle world has figured out fucking space travel. I know it’s a cliché to say to say someone could have fucking shot Voldemort, but seriously, somebody totally fucking could have, he killed like 50 people, he was effectively a terrorist, if anyone in the wizarding world bothered to ask for help from the muggles instead of just telling them there was an invisible asshole flying around shooting death curses at everyone, they may have been able to help. 

Pretty much the only reason Voldermort thinks he’s better than muggles is because he’s able to kill them with impunity using magic, something he’s only able to do so easily because muggles don’t understand what magic is. Voldemort is basically like a fucking disease, he’s an invisible, lurking entity preying on mankind from the shadows like a cowardly piece of shit. You know what else did that? Smallpox and we stomped that to death the second we understood it. That’s the difference between muggles and wizards, when muggles don’t understand something, they figure it out.

And here’s the kicker, the only reason muggles don’t understand magic at all is because the wizarding world deliberately withholds information about it. However, even if the wizarding world kept doing that, it’d only be a matter of time until a muggle figured out what magic was and how to stop or harness it because that’s what humanity does, it pushes past what we think is impossible to see what’s on the other side. We didn’t understand the sun as a species originally and now we use it to power satellites and smartphones.

The wizarding world isn’t a realm of infinite possibilities, it’s a universe of strict limitations where boundaries are never questioned. The muggle world is where the real magic happens. That’s why during the course of the Harry Potter books, which are set between 1991 and 1998, the muggle world (our world) discovered dark matter, cloned a sheep and invented fucking MP3s while the wizarding world were literally paying some dipshit to figure out what the purpose of a rubber duck was.

image

Wow, I really shouldn’t think about this stuff when it’s like 3AM, it gets kind of dark.

minus-the-legend:

I don’t think a greater truth has ever been spoken holy shit

minus-the-legend:

I don’t think a greater truth has ever been spoken holy shit

(via ohwillgardner)

(Source: uptoyoureyes, via highgayden)

gnostic-forest:

So fucking brilliant. 

(Source: illkim)

jellybabiesandjammiedodgers:

thelovelylifeofareader:

thebookishdragon:

booktown:

randomhouse:

seasighing:

Life tip: bring a book with you everywhere you go

Life pro tip: bring two, in case you finish the first one.

Bigger life pro tip: Bring a kobo/kindle with you everywhere so you have an entire library with you at all times. 

Ultimate life pro tip: live in a library and never ever leave. 

Supreme life tip: Become a library

image

(via cryingmanlytears)

guy:

7am waking up in the morning gotta be fresh gotta throw myself down some stairs

(Source: guy, via flomation)

tistheseasontokilljily:

harrypottersdeadmum:

no i will never get over harry naming his child after snape

never

(click to make bigger)

can i love you forever?

(Source: pottergenes, via theonqreyjoy)

unclefather:

brokendildo:

what if u were laying in bed and then stretched ur hand up and something hi5’d u

i’d move to a different continent because i don’t fuckin play like that

(via fuckyeahtxtposts)